twenty . female . writer
blunt . sarcastic . lots o' attitude
[x] working on the whole confidence thing.
“It was ironic, really - you want to die because you can’t be bothered to go on living - but then you’re expected to get all energetic and move furniture and stand on chairs and hoist ropes and do complicated knots and attach things to other things and kick stools from under you and mess around with hot baths and razor blades and extension cords and electrical appliances and weedkiller. Suicide was a complicated, demanding business, often involving visits to hardware shops.
And if you’ve managed to drag yourself from the bed and go down the road to the garden center or the drug store, by then the worst is over. At that point you might as well just go to work.”
Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don’t kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive.
When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, “He fought so hard.”
And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong.
Suicide is a form of murder - premeditated murder. It isn’t something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind.
Razors pain you,
Rivers are damp,
Acids stain you,
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren’t lawful,
Gas smells awful.
You might as well live.
me except the introvert thing